The model is name is "Quinn". :) We HAD to have it. I fully understand that my Quinn will probably not have a chance to use it. But when I opened the box, I just cried. Not sad tears though. I was so happy. Because for one moment in the past 11 weeks, I felt "normal". I got to feel like a "normal" mom and be so excited for SOMETHING. There are no baby showers or other things for me to ever get to feel this way. It was such a nice and different feeling than what I normally deal with.
Every person is different. Every situation is different. But support is something that all mom's in this situation need. Whether it's T18, T13, Potter's Syndrome, miscarriage at ANY point, infertility, and the list goes on and on.
Eric and I are truly blessed. I hope that I say that enough. We have an incredible support system. Both of our families are amazing, our friends have been there and even the neighborhood has been kind. Some people surprise you, both good and bad. There are some people that you thought would be there for you and aren't but then there are plenty that surprise you and come out of the wood work. And guess what? IT'S OK. No matter what category you fall in to. Because lets be honest, no one really knows what to say or do. I'm not sure I would have known either before just getting to be in the situation myself.
But please....
Just be kind. Be sincere. Let me shed a tear without freaking out. Be my friend. And if it really makes you that uncomfortable, then go ahead and "take a leave of absence" for a while. It's ok, I do it too right now! :) It can't and shouldn't be our only topic of discussion. I promise we are still normal people. I still go to work, we see movies, we eat, we swim, we go on vacation. You can talk to me about "normal" things. Most Mom's just want their sweet baby to be acknowledged. When you don't acknowledge them it seems to us that you don't believe they exist when to us, they are very real. It's not because we want pity. We just want our sweet babies to be remembered. They make such an impression on our lives and we will never be the same. To think that everyone else can forget them so quickly is a really hard concept for us to understand. Again, Eric and I really haven't had to deal with too much of these things because we are so blessed with the support we have. I have just been able to meet and talk with lots of families that are or have gone through something like this and some of these words really needed to be shared.
You may hear me call Quinn our "Angel Baby" and the reason why is because There is an AMAZING program in Utah that is dedicated to helping families. It's called "Angel Watch" through IHC that help families through this time. If you, or anyone you know has lost a baby or has been given a fatal diagnoses, there is support. There is help. They have a nurse and a bereavement counselor meet with you at your home, They get to know you, what your hopes and dreams are/were. They talk to you about planning, give you wonderful ideas and get you in contact with other families like yours. But best of all, they just listen. They are only there to love and help people through this time in their lives. Eric and I meet with ours (Carolyn and Kay) about every 4-5 weeks. Words can not express how much I love these ladies. PLEASE pass this information along to anyone that may need it.
http://intermountainhealthcare.org/services/womennewborn/pregnancy/highrisk/Pages/AngelWatch.aspx
One of the best parts of this program is knowing that you are not alone. There are other families that have gone or are going through the feelings and emotions that you are dealing with. It has been such a comfort to us in this time of need. Below is a song that was written by a mom that went through an experience like Eric and mine. The man singing in it is actually her husband. :) I love this song because it describes perfectly how Eric and I feel. A lot of people ask how we have been able to "deal" with this. To be honest, there is no other option for us. We love Quinn. We found Angel Watch. We have a great support system. We have a strong testimony and religious belief and we know that Quinn was suppose to come to us this way. Hopefully the song can share a little more about our feelings :)
My heart hurts for you. You truly are an inspiration! I remember reading something that Joseph smith said and he talked about babies that are only here for a brief moment and how they are such choice and special spirits that they didnt need to go thru this life and be tested. It sounds to me like Quinn is definitely one of these special angels :)love your blog!
ReplyDeleteNicole, you are truly an inspiration. Know that they are many of us out here who completely understand your desire for Quinn's life to be remembered. When our angel Olivia was born still, we still sent out birth announcements even though many thought it strange. We also wanted to be "normal" parents. Now 6 years later, Marie still maintains a blog www.oliviaofmay.blogspot.com in Olivia's memory to help others going through similar situations. My heart goes out to you and Quinn's dad.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing the support link. You and Eric are so strong! If we can do anything, let us know please! We would love to help if we can.
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